My father’s socks.
by littlemissfuneral
I was sitting on the couch. My dad was next to me, playing on his laptop, with his feet up on the coffee table. I happened to look down at his feet and noticed his socks. There’s nothing special about the socks that he wears. He’s been wearing the same brand for as long as I can remember. I don’t even know if they’re a ‘brand’ per say. They are the kind of socks that you buy in bulk at a store like Walmart. But for a moment, I focused on them, and then I was catapulted into the future. I saw myself, bringing his clothes to a funeral director so they could dress him in his casket. I saw myself giving his undershirt and socks to them. I saw the funeral director place them to the side, totally unaware of how important they were. My father’s socks. A piece of clothing that is so intimate to him. I was so angry at them. And when I went to yell at them, I saw my face in theirs.
You see, I’ve been doing this job for so long now that sometimes I go through the motions. I’m ashamed to admit that sometimes I forget how sacred this work actually is. How I am so fortunate to be able to be invited into someone’s personal space. I hold their socks, underwear, and stockings in my hand. These clothing pieces that often only the closest people in their lives get to see. I forget, and my father’s socks reminded me.
When you work in death care for an extended period of time, you have to learn ways to cope with what you do. You will either burn out from the weight of death or become so hardened that you forget about what has actually happened. Someone has died, and because of that someone else’s world is now forever changed. Hopefully, you will find a third option, which includes compassion and love for the people in your care, with just enough distance for your own mental health. Hopefully you’ll be able to look at a pair of socks and see your own loved ones. And with them present in your mind and heart, dress someone else’s loved one and give them back to their families.
Greetings, Lauren.
I hope I got your real name correct. I know you as, “Little Miss Funeral Director” from You Tube videos.
I’m Donna Baker of Fort Worth. I wanted to reach out and share with you how moved and grateful I am for what you share of your profession and life.
I told my husband about how amazingly wise, insightful and mature you are for the age st which time you began Funeral Directing. Your depth if compassion & insightfulness is rare for a person of any age.
I learned of you because your video showed up on my You Tube feed. It was so random, snd I wondered how You Tube knew to place this on my feed…then I figured it must be related somehow to a job I just applied to over the internet for a funeral home sales position just a few days ago.
So, I have learned so much about this profession from you. I have in former years (recent also), have sung and spoken at many funerals. I am a Christian and have shared with many (who approve the message in advance) about eternity and the hope that we have in Christ…what scripture says about “absent from this life is to be immediately present with the Lord [in spirit].”
I have a heart for people of all walks of life. I’ve lost so many family members to eternity recently, so I really appreciate your story on “socks,” I did the exact same thing with my father (whom I loved dearly) in 1997. With my mother too, who is now in Glory as of 8/2017.
Thank you so much! Keep the encouragement coming & please pray for me that I get this job. I desire this profession for the depth of compassion and connecting with families and serving them well.
Donna Baker
You’re just wonderful. You get it. Thank you. I was blessed to have a funeral director like you for my parents. It helped so much with my loss.
Hi! My name is Christie. I’m not in the funeral business but I am an ordained Minister who does Celebrations of Life.
I wanted to let you know how much I enjoy your videos and blog. Today’s Blog really touched my heartstrings. My parents are still alive but my Dad is in a nursing home on quarantine. I haven’t gotten to visit him for s long time. His socks, his shirts have always been endearing to me. Now when I do COL I will think of this.
Thank you for sharing your heart, your experiences and passion.
Sincerely
Christie
Did you ever live in Albany, New York?
Hi Lauren, I have enjoyed your blog for the past year.
I was wondering if you would consider jotting down a paragraph or two about
bagpipers at funerals.
Thank you for your considerations.
Wayne Francis
https://wordpress.com/view/bagpiperofbaltimore.wordpress.com
Now, this is just very sad and deep. I get why you feel that way though. I think it really has something to do with your job. Being the one assigned to take care of people’s funeral as a job plays a huge role in making you more emotionally strong, and invulnerable, almost. This is a good example of what they call “both a blessing and a curse” if you’d see it that way though. Nonetheless, thank you so much for being thoughtful about sharing these very personal and enlightening experience to us, we sure learn and realized a lot. This realization will always live long in my mind and I will forever carry and live on until I became oblivion.
Very nice message. I enjoyed your musings about going “through the motions.” Thanks for sharing.
Are you on Goodreads
This is such an amazing post, and one I can completely relate to. I’ve only been a funeral operative for the past 8 months but I find myself shutting out some of the thoughts you have described. Some funerals I can’t help but think “what if this was my mom, or one of my friends?”. In the moment I have to think of something else, or else I might get emotional and I would hate for any attention to be drawn to myself as this will never be about me (while I’m working).
I spent years trying to find an entry point into this industry and finally got a job back in August 2020. I’ve watched so many of your videos hoping to one day get a job in this field (I still watch them!) and I just wanted to thank you for posting all of this content on Youtube. It’s been so fascinating learning about funerals in the US and how different it is in the UK.
I’m not sure how often you post on your blog or if you will get notification of this message but your channel has made such a huge difference in my life and given me the confidence to interview and get my dream job.
I’m hoping to work my way up to becoming an embalmer, but in the meantime I am loving my position of funeral operative and helping people through one of the worst days of their lives. Thank you again x