Overly emotional.
by littlemissfuneral
Today I’m emotional for no apparent reason. I say for no apparent reason because today was a great day. I was off from work. I spent the entire day with my daughter. We even managed to go to lunch at the cutest restaurant with my dad. Today was a great day.
But tonight, I am emotional. My husband is gone, at a work event that’s running late into the night. And now, my daughter silently sleeps next to me in our bed as I watch reruns of Cheers on Netflix. I look over at her, perfectly sleeping and I begin to cry. Probably because just a few minutes before I read an article on childhood cancer. I think I’m actually crying for the children and babies who are not healthy, and for how unfair life is. I cry and plead to God to always keep my baby girl healthy, and to please create a miracle to cure all of the dying children in our world. And then I think to myself, how is it 2019 and we do not have a cure for cancer? And then I think what the hell was I thinking having a child of my own? In what universe did I ever think that it would be a good idea to allow my heart to walk around and beat OUTSIDE of my body? What was I thinking, to give this world my heart for its taking? I look at her sleeping, and I cry thinking of all of the babies I’ve buried. I cry for the parents. I cry because I wonder if I’d think the way I do if I didn’t work in a funeral home. I cry, and then I look at my baby girl, and she smiles in her sleep. And she is perfect. And when she smiles, I see God. I really and truly see Him. And I think, if I love this little baby so much that it hurts this much, then how much does God love me? And I thank God, that He has given us the opportunity for eternal life – the opportunity to be surrounded by love forever.
But this world still sucks. And babies still die. And things still don’t make sense. I pray that my baby is always healthy, because if she is then she has everything. And I pray that your babies are always healthy, too. I think I’m writing this as my prayer. Because I’m overly emotional tonight, and I need God to hear me.
little miss funeral 
Beautiful! Just said with so much clarity and from the heart!
A lovely sentiment, and prayer!
You know we have a loving God. I am sure in heaven, there is a special place in heaven for the children who have passed on. Jesus is most likely the main person watching over these children, along with thousands of angels. I have three daughters, I was in law enforcement for 24 years. I was a detective for 9 of those years. Working crimes against children. I have seen several real bad cases, including babies who have been beaten to death by there parents. I also worked SIDS death, where I had to tell parents we have no idea what killed there child. That is the hardest. Nobody or no illness to say what happened to there child. I worked child molestations and rapes. Then believe it or not I helped at a funeral home. I got it all around along with thinking of my three girls when they were so young and in school.
I know God gave me these girls and my job is to take care and love them, like God loves us. He is there every day. One day, hopefully not but it happens. Your kids grow up and they are not able to do something. You tell them why and they don’t understand and the child out of anger tells you “I hate you.” I know they don’t mean it, because right after they say it, they say I am sorry. Then they tell you they love you. But when they say it, it brakes your heart.
My daughter is going to funeral director school and she watches you. Thank you for inspiring her.
This hits home…within the past year, my cousin had to make funeral arrangements for his 15 month old daughter. Thank You for what you do to make families lives better on the worst days or weeks of their lives.
Lauren, I have prayed the same so many times. I have begged God to put on me every single sickness or tragedy that could befall my precious babies. They are teenagers now, and that comes with a whole new set of worries. Car accidents, terminal illnesses, God forbid school shooters. I think I will live with this fear of losing one of my babies until the day I die, because that is one of the things that goes along with being a Mom.